Risk is not something inherent to all sex acts. Different acts put us at different levels of risk for HIV transmission. For example, we know that all things being equal: (1) Oral sex is less risky than anal sex. (2) Anal sex with a condom is less risky than anal sex without a condom. (3) Topping without a condom is less risky than bottoming without a condom.
If two people are in a relationship where one partner is HIV negative and one partner is HIV positive, can a healthy sex life exist? Of course! Here’s a handy cheating chart :
| No risk for HIV transmission |
Kissing, mutual masturbation, frottage, massage, water sports, bondage, dirty verbal talk and role play, spanking, wrestling, handjobs |
| Very low/low risk for HIV transmission |
Blow jobs (receiving less risky than giving), rimming, topping with a condom, bottoming with a condom, fisting with gloves, flogging, whipping |
| Medium risk for HIV transmission |
Topping without a condom, bottoming without a condom but having the top pull out before cumming, fisting as a top without gloves, blood play such as cutting or piercing |
| High risk for HIV transmission |
Bottoming without a condom and taking the load, getting fisted without gloves, sharing needles or works during intravenous drug use |
Of course, this spectrum applies to HIV transmission, and not for other STDs such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or hepatitis. And while there are several behaviors that are no risk or low risk for HIV transmission, remember that the most common method of HIV transmission is bottoming without a condom.
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